I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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