In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
