This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
