i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Randomize
