My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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