this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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