I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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