It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
