is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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