Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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