I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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