Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize