mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
