Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
