Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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