Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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