I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
