Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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