Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
