I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
NoShamevember. You game?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
