Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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