my soul wont recognize me after tonight
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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