$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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