I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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