Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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