Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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