i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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