Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
