i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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