ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You made out with two different species that night
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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