Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
