I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
