The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
