I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
