So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
