i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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