Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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