I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize