Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
