I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
