I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also, beer. Big fan.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
