Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
