cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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