i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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