I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
