Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
