I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
