Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
