There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize