i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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