What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
