I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
