I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
