Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
