After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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