I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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