The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
