There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
