wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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