Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
