Do you still have your period?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
