i permit you to call me
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Randomize
