Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
