My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
