so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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