Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
