Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
