Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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