I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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