herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
