my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Can I color on your dick again?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
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