remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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