That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
