watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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