i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
