my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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