remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They took my balls.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize