roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
