haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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