i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
