Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
