you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
