Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
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